I had to call to make an appointment for my yearly exam, something I haven't done for a couple of years. I'm having some problems that I need to have checked out. So, after I made the appointment I was thinking about how I will handle the exam itself, whether it will be more difficult for me now that I'm doing trauma work and things are kind of stirred up.

I just became flooded with memories of things I had forgotten, details, sensations, all of it. I kept flashing back between now and then. I was completely overwhelmed by it. I still am, I think after about an hour I feel asleep and woke up a little calmer but the memories are still there, fresh as if it all just happened.

Before I feel asleep, when I was in the middle of it and basically freaking out and trying to calm down but not able to, I called T and left a message. I'm still waiting to hear back from her. I don't even know what I said on the message, actually. I don't know what I'll say when she calls. I just feel traumatized all over again.

And of course I'm terrified to actually GO to the appointment I made, in case I have flashbacks while I'm there and I just don't know what will happen.