Purple,

I am sorry that you feel so poorly. First off, I want you to know that it is very normal for people- esp. women, I think- to have issues with their bodies. We are often our own worst critics, though. And you are most definitely a woman. One of my goodn friends often feels masculine, too, but she isn't. I know what you mean when you say, "I feel like I am a liar. Like my boyfriend got suckered into this relationship by my face and didn't know the reality of my disgust." I feel that way sometimes. Not about my face. But I have felt like a liar before when starting a relationship, because I felt like the poor guy had no idea what lurked beneath my clothes. I also feel like a liar because of my foundation that hides my bad skin.

It is natural for a woman's body to change from pregnancy, but it doesn't mean you are no longer attractive or feminine. What could be more feminine than stretch marks? Society has taught us that we must measure up to some odd idea of perfection. The truth is, almost every woman I know has stretch marks- even if she has never had a child! Most women get stretch marks when pregnant. Also, many women get stretch marks from gaining weight, losing weight, and from puberty when they grow breasts and hips rapidly. I have had stretch marks ever since I hit puberty, as did many of my friends. And some of us weren't big girls, but we just got chests and hips fast. Men get stretch marks, too, but I think, due to the hips and breasts of puberty and due to pregnancy, women are much more likely to get stretch marks than men. It is a very womanly thing, even if we have been taught to hate them.

You said you have a lot of excess skin (from the rapid weight loss, right?). You said you started feeling masculine when you realized your stomach reminded you of a man you saw on TV after he had lost a lot of weight like you had. I think you find it masculine because you saw it on a male, but females and males can have some similar traits that are neither masculine nor feminine and this is one of them. It happens to a lot of people who lose weight rapidly or who lose a lot of weight. If you are concerned about it, you could see a dr. and see if they think it is more of an issue of you being obsessive about it (no offense, but I mention this since you do have body image issues, as evident by the ED, and the way you talk about being masculine indicates obssesive thought- I used to have OCD, so not judging) or if they think you really do have a lot of excess skin. If it is an obsessive issue, having it surgically altered will not bring you relief at all, and will only waste money and cause you dangerous risks. However, if it truly is an issue due to the weight loss, perhaps you can save up money to have the excess skin removed, but you will have scarring.

About the hair- hair is feminine. We've been taught to think it isn't, but it is. We naturally have pubic, leg, and underarm hair, for example. I even have a few stray hairs between my navel and crotch area. I actually like pubic hair, and many men do, too. I even know a guy who likes underarm hair. If it really bothers you, though, it is easy to get rid of.

As for being tall, models are tall! They want runway models to be tall. You shouldn't have to feel insecure about your height. Besides, it's not as unusual as people make it out to be, to be tall. I am not tall, but growing up, three of my female friends were about 6 feet tall in middle school and freshman year of highschool.

You say you are sexually active with your boyfriend, but will not let him see or touch you. I can understand hiding things. I sometimes try to avoid certain positions so that guys can't see my flaws, but I think the truth is, men don't see our flaws as much as we do, and they love it when we are more uninhibited in bed. That is a turn on. Seeing us naked is a turn on. Getting to touch us is a turn on.

You should definitely try to talk this out with your lover. I am sorry you feel down on yourself right now. I hope you feel better.