I saw my t this afternoon. He really impressed on me the need to hold it together for my son right now. If anything happens to me right now, he's going to end up bearing the brunt of it from misplaced guilt. I know that. Easier said than done of course. This is advanced parenting we're going through. None of that beginner stuff for us. T said he'd call my pdoc and talk to him about what is going on, kind of a heads up. I see pdoc tomorrow. He may make some med adjustments/additions to help me get through this stress without imploding.

I'm really stuggling. T knows that. He wishes he could make it feel better, but he can't. We're going to have to walk through the fire on this one. I'm terrified. I don't want to think about what is going on right now. All I keep thinking about is my d*mned past. The future is terrifying. I just don't want to think. I don't want to feel. I want to disappear.