(((( CHRIS ))))

I feel awful that you are going through this. I wish I could be there to help you, to take it all away...Know that you are cared for here and that you WILL get through this. You WILL. NO DOUBT.

Yes, you need to pull yourself together for your son, so that he does not suffer unnecessarily.

But at the same time, you need to take care of you. Have you been able to work out an "escape plan" when you feel triggery and your son is around? A way to deal with your pain and your emotions without him being involved?

What you're going through seems so awful and hard....I hate this for you. I really REALLY do.