I am a plus size woman. I've always seen myself as very fat, although when I look at another woman who wears exactly the same size as I do (she could even be wearing my clothes) I see her as only plump. For example, recently I loaned my coat to a woman. I was surprised at how tightly it fit her, whereas it fits me with much more room to spare. Her other clothing sizes were slightly larger than mine as well, but she didn't look "fat" to me. Yet I've been looking in the mirror and seeing a massive blob ever since the onset of puberty, and long before I actually was clinically obese.

Lately I've been reading books on fat acceptance. "Fat!So?" for one, and "Self Esteem Comes In All Sizes."

And maybe because these ideas are running loose in my head, I had a random thought on the way home tonight. When am I most likely to be put down and called "fat" by another person? I know when. It's not when my size, or diets, or anything remotely connected to weight is being discussed. No, there is really only one time the word "fat" ever takes aim at me, from someone else's mouth.

It's when that person disapproves of the opinion I just expressed. "Ahhh, shaddup, ya fat ole cow."

To myself I am fat all the time. To others I am fat only when I say something they don't like. Weird, isn't it?