My thanks to Butterfy, Pimprenelle, Seeker and Fayerody.

What kind and helpful support! I'm open to all the advice you've given, and I agree that I should remain available to my first daughter whilst having no obligations to my first wife. Fortunately the painful feelings from these past experiences have mostly been processed, although they do kick up now and again.

Since being here at Psych central I have shared two areas of my difficult early life. A childhood with an angry and disturbed father, and my first marriage. I see this as all linked together, as poor childhood bonding leaves us open
to make ill judged relationships in later life. (seeker, you made this point)

I owe a great deal to my second wife, in many ways, not least that she was patient enough to allow me to find my way out of a psychological desert . It took a long time.

Thanks for listening folks, It means a lot to me.

Regarding the question, "Can we love someone that we don't trust". We have had some varying views on this; I would say that we can be 'in love' with someone that we don't trust (with all the agony that this entails) but to genuinely love someone I think we need to have respect for them, and it's not easy to respect someone that we don't trust. This applies not just with sexual partners. I think it's true with parents, grown up children, siblings and friends too. Trust is vital if a person is going to live in your heart.

Not everyone would agree with this, but for me, I feel that I love someone for what they are. Maybe that has come out of the hard lessons I've been obliged to learn, who knows?.

M