I also have sever Depression. It was one of the things that ended my marriage. I know what your husband is going through. Depression is a very sneaky condition. The person with depression will often unknowingly work to sabotage his own recovery. It may not seem fair to you but you need to make sure he takes his meds and gets to his appointment. If you can do that. the other things that are frustrating you will slowly disappear as he recovers. He will be more active and responsive to your needs. Just because he seems to be better on his meds isn't necessarily true. He needs help. think of it like he has Cancer or something like that. If he did would you let him skip his meds? Would you allow him to miss a Dr's appointment? It is hard on you I know, but it is far worse on him. He knows he is messing up. He knows deep down inside he is failing you. He knows he is failing himself. The more he fails the worse he feels. the worse he feels the more he fails. it is a vicious cycle. It is good that you can vent here. Please remember it is his depression and not him that is frustrating you.
tell that friend to get out! You need to be alone with your husband. You will only beat this if you and your husband work as a team. I wish you the best.