I hear you saying that if you behaved differently and were not so hard to reach that your mother would have accepted you but then you go on to say that she wasn't interested. As a child, your behavior has nothing to do with how your mother relates to you. It was her job to reach out to you instead of focusing on her alcoholic husband. It is easy to blame or scapegoat an alcoholic because they are so deserving. However, everyone has a place in the dance. Your mother may have felt helpless but she was not. If she had focused more on you, she may not have felt so helpless because she would have had her energy elsewhere. There is true helplessness in the world, but for most people it is a state of mind.

I think that your T is trying to get you to see how everyone participated in your situation. It is hard to place responsibility on alcoholic spouses because they go through so much. It is easy for them to fly under the radar. It's tricky stuff.