I agree with Lilly. I've experienced/still experience both and I too know the intentions of what I'm doing. Although S*** is the biggest decision you can make, contrary to what Lilly posted, I don't think about the consequences. However - That's just me and obviously everyone is different. SI is a way for me to push myself a little farther, and it relaxes me for a little while (few hours maybe) but then it's right back to where I started. S*** is permanent, SI isn't. Hope you can begin to feel better soon!