Thankyou TheByzantine, theave, Fuzzybear and lucyandgraciesmom for your kind words and encouragement. They were deeply needed. The fear of re-starting life can almost equal the depression sometimes...although perhaps what i really mean is that i fear taking on a life that was essentially destroyed during the last big downward turn. It is ridiculous because that was over 2 years ago now, and yet that void, that immeasurable pain, that sense of hopelessness still lingers on and haunts me. Sometimes it feels safer to remain how I am now, isolated and stuck within small boundries, rather than face the responsibilities and complications of a forward-looking life. I make myself look strong to other people but inside i'm so weak. I'd love if for just one day my external mask of strength was really me. I feel like such a fraud, i desperately want to be that warrior that everyone believes i am.
Thanks for all your kindness, it is a slow, long journey and it gets very tiring so i feel for you all.