Ripley- You know, I would have been up all night wondering what my therapist would have meant and if I were to blame or my child selves were to blame for my mothers troubles. The first thing I would have thought to do would be to call T and clarify that with her. I say that because for me, and maybe for you too, the thought of yet another person being on my poor mother's side is very triggering for me. It triggers all kinds of feelings of despair and that I am alone in what I know or feel the situation to have been.

I cant say I know for sure what your T meant, but I would find it hard to believe that she would mean that you are at fault and you are blaming your father. My guess is that your mother probably blamed her alcoholic husband for her troubles instead of looking at whatever her own issues might have been. If you really are wondering, call T to clarify. That would be a real hard one for me to hear, that it is easy to blame someone else. I, too, was the scapegoat and was blamed and feel guilty to this day for who knows what crime. Id tend to hear that I am blaming someone else for what again is MY fault.

Hugs to you