This question ties a little to what I am working on with my psychologist. A letter to my Mother telling her what I didn't appreciate, what hurt me, what made me angry, & then what I did appreciate. Things you don't want to deal with when they are alive. Yes, these are things that have definitely affected my judgements.

As a child, my parents expected respect.....only a couple of times was there any spanking....I learned fairly quickly how to avoid that. Being an only child, I didn't have any other children around me to help me get into any trouble other than what I could think up on my own. That part followed into my parenting.....use the punishment that fits the crime....there were better ways to get the point across than spanking.

My parents required the yes/no sir, maam. Seems like that becomes a habit after a living with it continually while growing up & even at my age. That has always been my usual response when I am answering someone. When I was working, it was mostly with military people, so guess I was well trained for the situation. I do remember it being a problem at times & because my husband wasn't brought up that way, it wasn't something that was expected from our daughter. I figured if she ended up in a situation where it was needed, she would adapt to it....like when she was in the High School AFROTC.

Beyond those concepts of upbringing came the times of being sooooo embarrassed by my parents when they were socializing (which hardly ever happened). There were things that my parents did & said that would just make me want to melt into my surroundings so no one knew I was associated with them. Those things I continually have checked myself about all along my life & swore that I would never be like my parents in that way. I am also finding that when these things are around me now, I want away from it......as far & fast as possible.....thus the "judgement" to go with the divorce.

I wanted so much more to my life than what I saw them have, I always wanted to be a career person....& was very successful at that for 15 years. I may not be the engineer anymore, but there has always been something within my thinking that I had to have something I am good at to focus my life on. I went back to college to focus on a new career, but after everything that happened with my Mother last year & when she died, it has left me with the ability to be able to focus on my horses.....which have now become my life & my future.

At least we are free to be more than what our parents were......I was always taught that in school.....education & our mind & thoughts that we own, can't be taken away from us even if our freedom is.....(growing up in the cold war era) We can accept what we want to accept from our upbringing....keep what we find works & be able to throw away the things that didn't work or hurt us. I feel fairly lucky that I have not really been "harmed" by my upbringing.....things along the way have had their effect, & definitely have made me think the way I do....but they are not the thoughts of my parents. I feel that they tried so hard to make me think their way because they could see no other way. It's not that I threw away their thoughts either.....I thought through everything & decided for myself what I agreed with & what I wanted to throw away. Either way, my upbringing has completely ha an affect on my judgements.