I don't know what you want from your post. You seem to have really treated your t very badly. I certainly don't condone that. Your t seems determined to help you despite how badly you treat her. Sounds like a very dedicated t. Perhaps you need to back off and accept that help. You know you set out to hurt her. Is that the kind of person you really want to be? I'll be quite frank. You sound like a pretty abusive individual. Maybe you need to learn something from this t who seems to want to accept you and help you despite your attempts to abuse her. Think about what you are doing to the other person for a change, and stop doing it. Accept the help and learn from your mistakes.