((((((((((((((((Elysium))))))))))))))

You post spoke to me in such away that I can completly understand your feelings. Our feelings seem to be the same way. As my T says, my sexuality is scewed because of the life that I had. Could this be the same with you? I urge you to speak to your T if you haven't already done so. I am currently going on 3 weeks of discussing this with my T. It is helping but it's happening very slowly.

Do take care of yourself and know that your feelings about this are more normal than you think. Take care.