They say when we're babies we just want food and got get our diapers changed and to be taken care of but I think it's more than that. Sure we only die if we're not held but I think who we're held by and how we feel about it, etc. matters a great deal too! My mother died when I was three and my stepmother was big on telling everyone how my brothers and me were fine with my mother's death, weren't crying or pathetic or anything. But not crying doesn't mean we're fine!

Like velcro and rainbow say, you're doing great! It will all fit together eventually and you'll learn what you need to know and become the wonderful person you are.