Hi ((farmergirl)),
I wish I had read this sooner. I think you are living my life and seeing my T! Three years ago I fell apart because of my son's behaviors. They really had nothing to do with me but as T says, they blew open all of my childhood trauma. Once I understood what was happening I began to try and contain myself for the sake of my son. T has been difficult as we work through the trauma, and I have found it so challenging to stay in the present when I need to and not let incidents from long ago interfere with my relationships now. Some of the things that have helped me are listening to mindfulness lectures by Pema Chodron; PTSD healing recordings by Bellaruth Naparstek and literally reminding myself that I am in the now. Yoga is very helpful in keeping me grounded, as is avoiding being alone too much. Actually any kind of exercise helps keep me present in my body and in the now.

Of course, that means I have to catch myself when I am time tripping. I think that self-care is a big piece of the puzzle here and trying not to get over stressed or overtired, because that brings on my depression and anxiety, and they bring on my dissociative coping. If you don't trust yourself or other household members with the anxiety meds, can you ask H or a friend to hold them and dispense them for you? I think you are doing a great job and you are a caring Mom. Stay the course, it sounds like you know yourself well.