</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I've been feeling a higher amount of stress than usual, which makes me feel more lonely than usual, which causes me to think it's better to be abused than to be alone.

I find myself coming up with stupid excuses to call my mother - whom I haven't talked to in two or three years. I moved nearly two years ago and no one in my family knows where I am. I did this because my mother, my main abuser, kept showing up unannounced. In all these years nothing has changed. She does nothing but make me feel like garbage. Every visit brought on the worse depressive episodes and sent my SI behaviors spiraling out of control. My siblings pulled away from me years ago, because they don't get me and they don't want to stay in our mother's good graces.

I keep making up these stupid excuses to subject myself to her garbage, to the pain she always inflicts on me. I find myself thinking that I could call her and get my younger brothers number - to call him and see if he feels like being a brother.

I can't do this to myself again. I've been here before - escaping the abuse only to walk right back into it because I'm isolated and all alone.

I just needed to vent that.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Kalamity,

You have a powerful cognitive grasp of your situation and you express it well here.

You know that you can't do this to yourself again. You even wrote that! You've been here before. Venting was wise. We're really glad you posted!

Now.....what's going on that has you feeling a higher amount of stress than usual? Could posting or chatting here help with lessening your stress? Just an idea.

Take care.