((((HelplessHopeless))))))),

You are going through the grieving process & it all just takes time....the amount of time that you need, not when you or anyone else thinks it should take.

I can understand your feelings of being in a dream. I was in the middle of a nightmare at the end of last year when I saw my mother going down hill with her dealing with the cancer that had been operated on just 5 months earlier. Then being kept away from knowing what care she really needed & having a home care RN come in & steel my Mothers identity & other jewelry items along with threats to me. When the RN OD'ed my mother on morphine & she ended up in the hospital again, I remember being there 24/7 wondering if it really was a dream I was experiencing & that I would wake up I is would have never happened. There were so many times I really wasn't inside of myself when I was doing something. Then when she died I was hospitalized for several months because of not being able to eat. Looking back I don't remember much & not many details if any.....not even much about my Mother or anything during that time.....it is a scarry black hole in my life.

I hope you are a little comforted to know that what you are feeling & thinking are very normal when someone close to you dies & pray that you have the support you need to get through these feelings that are going on in your life.

You really are OK,
Debbie