I'm new here and I found this site in my search to find some way to get perspective on a situation that I find myself currently in. I will try to state this as briefly as possible and apologize if it is lengthy.

I've been in therapy for a number of years and have seen a few counselors. The first one I started seeing when I was 17 after I was referred by child protection to see someone. I eventually disclosed that I was being abused by my father and that it had happened for a number of years. I saw this counselor for 4 years and during this time she diagnosed me with PTSD and depression, but she noticed some things about me and had some concern with dissociation so she sent me to a specialist to be evaluated. It was during this time that this counselor was diagnosed with breast cancer and subsequently left her practice, so I was referred to a new person.

I saw this new counselor very briefly, mostly because not long after I moved out of state with my (still) abusive family and began college. I was in my early 20's by then and still had a very difficult time breaking away from my family in spite of the negative treatment I was receiving. After an initial failed attempt at school because of medical issues, and taking a few years to recover, I started school again but this time moved into the dorms at the university. At this time I began to struggle even worse with anxiety and depression and so I once again sought the assistance of a counselor in the community. I have now seen this counselor for seven years.

When I first started seeing her, I was hesitant and initially refused to have records sent from the first counselor. I had this naive idea that I could go in, tell her I was depressed and anxious, come up with this great plan to work through it, and that'd be it. I didn't want her to know that I was abused, that I still had contact with my family, or that my first counselor began to suspect dissociative disorders. I was wrong about this being a "quick fix" and it took about three years of therapy to even begin talking with this counselor. But as I said, it has now been seven years and in this time I have began talking and trusting more readily, she has had the time to observe my behavior and actions, and has also done a number of assessments and evaluations to make sure that she had as much information as possible about what might be going on with me. I still have a diagnosis of PTSD and depression, and through her observation and assessment I was also diagnosed with DID.

As I progressed in therapy, I found that things in my past were starting to fill in. I was feeling things I didn't have an explanation for, and some of the triggers I used to have no rationale for began to make sense. But about two years ago I hit a major roadblock, as I began processing something that happened that was extremely traumatic. My functioning ability was lessened, my symptoms got worse, and I'm still having a hard time. But even with this, I saw this as progress though it hurts extremely bad. Prior to seeing this counselor, I lacked the capacity to feel much of anything and went through my life mostly "going through the motions." Now I am beginning to acknowledge the things in my life and feel the hurt that I've experienced.

Flash forward to today. Because of the length of time that I've seen the counselor I'm seeing, the agency she works for began to look at my file. Without meeting me and going strictly on what is in my file, they made the determination that I was being inaccurately treated. They stated that my counselor did not provide assessment to assist in diagnosis, even though she had me take the MMPI and MCMI just a couple of years ago. They also did not believe my statements regarding the abuse I went through, stating "if her father is that bad, she would not have contact with him." As a result, they used this information to state that I had borderline personality disorder (as they do not believe DID exists) and feel that I should be placed in an inpatient residential treatment facility where I can receive DBT therapy and then referred elsewhere to a counselor that can more appropriately treat me. In spite of my counselor's objection to their decision, they continue to insist that I suffer from borderline personality disorder even though every test they've had me do (including the MCMI) shows that the borderline scale is extremely low. However, as I said they have stated they do not believe DID is a valid diagnosis so it seems more like they don't know what to do with me. In addition, there was a complaint filed against a counselor locally (in another agency) because of unethical boundaries with a client who also suffered from DID. The agency my counselor works for believe that my diagnosis as it is could be a potential liability of a lawsuit against their agency in light of what happened with this other counselor in the community. So they want me gone.

I'm really feeling lost as to what to do. My counselor very much objects to their decision and together we have filed a letter of appeal. However, it also seems like even if the appeal goes through that they only thing they may relent on is my ability to see the counselor I'm currently seeing. They are still insisting on inpatient hospitalization for DBT treatment because they refuse the DID diagnosis and insist I must be borderline. The information I have on the place they want to send me states that hospitalization will be "at least 90 days" and possibly up to 180 days. I just feel like I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm being improperly treated and don't know what to do. Part of me wants to just bail on therapy completely but I also truly want to get better and work through some of the trauma I've gone through. But maybe it's ok, what they're doing? Like I said, I really feel lost and don't know what to think or do anymore.