dj, thanks. I originally, after college, worked full time and was going to school for my master's full time. Gradually, over about 2 1/2 years I lost almost all of my ability to handle the job I had and school. First I quit school and eventually I transferred to a position that held a lot less responsibility. I still couldn't handle that. So I started taking tons of sick and personal days, days I would just sit home crying. Hell, most days I left work crying. Eventually, I ended up quitting the job altogether. I didn't give up though. I started substitute teaching, because this was something I could do when I was able, but didn't have to do everyday. At first it was alright, but the pressure (any pressure and I completely freak) started wearing me down and I was crying everyday when I came home (same thing that happened before). It got to where I was too freaked out and too scared to even answer the phone to accept jobs anymore until now, where I haven't worked in a year and a half and its really quite miraculous for me to go to the grocery store without breaking down half way through. As it is I have to take xanax just to keep my panic attack in control enough to leave for the store in the first place. So no, I am not capable of working. It took me a long time to admit that to myself and even longer to get the courage up to admit it to my husband. Applying for social security benefits was the most humiliating thing I've ever done. I would love to be functioning and working and contributing, but I cannot. I torture myself over this everyday.

Also, I am on meds and see my pdoc/t regularly, but I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, stable. Right now, we are just working on being less unstable.

BNLsMOM, thanks. I know I can appeal. But I feel so humiliated. I mean, they said I should work as a cashier. The main part of my problem is my inability to interact with people on a normal level. Its like the height of irony that they suggest I do work that is highly sociable when I am not capable of interacting with people in real life at all.

I am going to try to appeal though. When I see my pdoc next friday I am going to ask him what he thinks I should do.

I feel so utterly worthless I don't know how to go on anymore.