Feeling sad, I think maybe the byzantine is right. I know that you feel so strongly for this friend and that fo you, the sun rises and sets in him, yet I am also starting to get the feeling tht you are losing yourself in his problem. I recommend strongly that you check out a book on codependancy or check and see what there is on the webb about it. There is nothing wrong with your love and loyalty, hon, but you are so afraid of losing him that you risk orienting your life around him as a sick person and his problems and that isn't good for either one of you. you aren't repsonsible for his feeling, and you can't do much more than let him know that you'll be there when he needs you. You can't do his part in the realionship for him.
He must be wonderfull for you to care so much! Huggggs in a big way. I hear what your saying about losing myself in his problem, he even said to me, that he is happy im so concerned for him and that im worried about him, but he doesnt want me to worry too much, because i prob wont guess it but more importantly it will make me sick if i worry too much and he doesnt want that for me.Maybe i am , but nobody understands ,one day i had this close friend who had feelings for me and vice versa,i thought we were headed towards a true relationship down the rd and , then we had a bad fight and next thing i know hes gone, he starts this new life , new friends and then we get back in touch,he tells me a little,says WE MUST STAY Friends, he would be truly upset if we werent,weve been close friends for many yrs!
I cant tell anyone so i have no one to talk to.Its ok, I would never tell anyone anyhow,I respect him toomuch ,when anyobe tells me anything , i keep their secret, so i sit here going , maybe he tried to tell me and i missed his signs, but waking up to find someone who is a huge pt of your life, disappear and i wasnt prepared for it,hit me like a brick,on top of having genuine feelings for him and knowing this about him, when everyone else thinks hes fine,i know the truth, and dealing with alot,its very hard emotionally,I miss him, it does affect me,because obv him telling me a bit shows he wants me in his life ,and to be fair ,lifes not the same without him, yet because of him feeling weird about hurting me, he doesnt come around as much, but we still talk.i think hes not sure what to do,i know my responsibility is not for his happiness, thats on him, but he confided a bit in me, he didnt just move on, hes in my life for good.How would everyone feel if a major person in their life just disappeared, im struggling ,and i hoped for a online hug or something,sorry if this comes out harsh,i dont mean it too,i love you guys,im just sad and want him back. ive tried to keep myself busy so i dont get sad so much,its just very very hard. Im crying as i type this.