RF~
Your situation sounds very much similar to that of my sister's.
My sister was always there for her (now 30 year old) son, all throughout his upbringing. His father worked too much, leaving my sister to be both parents to her son.

She was a very attentive mother, but overcompensated for her son due to his dad's deliberate absense.
The older her son grew, the less he did and the more verbally abusive he became toward my sister.
It got to the point that my sister left as a last resort because NOTHING she would do to try and correct the family problems worked.

Like you, she did everything. She was the only one who cared.
Recently, she has become so overwhelmed with all of her son's bullcrap, (empty promises, his laziness, lack of concern, drinking, abusiveness, and manipulative behaviors), and the fact that her hubs simply wouldn't support her behind trying to change things for the better that she up and left on them both, (son and hubs) to fend for themselves.

She wants to go home, but not back to how they were.

Sometimes, it really can be too late to fix for our children...especially at that adult age. And without the spouses support, may as well call it quits.

Do what you can for you. Sounds to me that this is a hopeless case for you, and so long as you continue to try to fix (something that cannot be fixed...such as this situation you are in), you are only prolonging your own frustrations and misery.

I hope the best for you, and that you do what is in your own best interest....Lord knows it sure seems neither of then couldn't care any less about what you're going through.

Good luck.

Shangrala