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radio_flyer · 02:49 AM

AAAAA----quote "Why are you there may I ask? I completely understand supporting family when needed but for the love of PETE you're making this your problem. From this and previous posts I infer that you have no interest in this home what-so-ever. It's AJ's father and AJ. How did you get sucked into this vortex of caring for your MIDDLE AGED CHILD like an eight year old?"

There are several reasons I came here this past June... The intent was to help AJ get the house in order by painting and cleaning. I also wanted to do some yard work and plant a veggie and flower garden....The house somehow became a "frat house" with way too many drinking parties and my goal was to put a stop to all the parties. The all night parties have stopped.. Yes, it is true I have no "financial" interest in this house. I guess I thought if I painted and did repairs and made improvements that AJ would appreciate the house more... I did not get "suckered" into coming here... I wanted to come... I wanted to help.....I just got in over my head.... WAY over my head indeed...

quote "We all carry scars from our childhood. Why ever would he work on these issues if mom is there to smooth things over and pick up the pieces every time he stumbles?"

Actually I am not here to "smooth things out"....I just came to try to help.....

quote "What is preventing you from getting your own place and allowing AJ to make his own mistakes and dealing with the consequences? How old do you think he has to be before you give yourself permission to live your own life? At the risk of sounding harsh, in my opinion you're enabling his behavior, not helping him".......

Good question.. I have a place to go to and I don't need permission from anyone to live my own life. Besides my "issues" aren't the problem here..And I must say I do have my own issues........Besides, I am in the "basement" apartment... I seldom go upstairs.......

The issue here is AJ...... I don't understand what is going on with him. I need to understand the "WHY" he is this way.........Does he care??? What does he want in life???? When will he "get it"... Is he really a "bum".....Is this what he wants for his future, to do "nothing"? Is it "depression"?...............Before I turn my back, I need to understand the "whys"....... I know we have to "let go"... and have in many ways......Was just hoping I could be helpful and that he'd somehow move forward....

I am not sure I am enabling him as I don't pay his bills. Sometimes I will cook dinner... But mostly he cooks or buys carry out...Actually I do very little for him... I don't see him daily... Maybe a few minutes a few times during the week... I don't know... His eyes don't "smile" anymore.. His shoulders are slumped.. Something is very wrong...

I wanted to add that I don't think your comments are too harsh.. You prob are right on target... just it hurts so bad seeing my son this way.......is hard for to accept the whole situation here........