Sometimes you have to hit rock bottem before you can go up and it sounds like your son hasn't done that yet, you are preventing it from happening.

You want to help your son ? Then back out from his life but be there for the time he ASKS for help. He isnt ready yet hun ....

He does not need a kick in the butt from you or anyone he needs to be left alone to sort himself out which he wont do while people are around picking up the pieces all the time, you are putting plasters on him when he needs to be left alone to mend himself.

Whats the worse that can happen if he is left alone ? He will lose the house (which is bricks so nothing lost there) he will be in debt, debts can be paid back. Leave him alone to grow up it sounds like he has never had the chance to be honest.

I mean all this in the nicest way I truly do but its about time you had some straight talking, the problem sounds like its you not him.