I went to my youth minister about it. I needed help. I felt lost and scared. I was trying to understand why God would let this happen to me. I was turned away by the police and thought he would be able to help. Instead he shot me down too.
I see him as little as possible. He doesn't live down here anymore. My guess is he was home for the holidays. I can’t be near him. I haven't been able to find the courage to stand up to him. When he's tried to talk to me in the past my mind goes back to the girl I was 9 years ago when it happen. I become completely submissive. I answer yes sir and no sir. I look him in the eye when he speaks. Stand up straight. Don’t be sarcastic. Don’t speak unless spoken to. Don’t talk back. That was how the relationship worked. It's not how it started. It was good in the beginning. Then he became controlling and very possessive. Then he raped me. Then he started hitting me all the time. I became the "perfect" girlfriend. I learned how to hide the bruises. No one ever knew what was going on. Not my parents, friends, or teachers. I hide behind a smile and I find lots of days I still do.
As for last night I tried sleeping on the couch. I got a whole two hours of sleep. I don’t understand why its 9 years later and I can’t move on.