Around a week ago, I was alone at home and my brother (the one who pisses me off every time he calls by talking on his cell phone while he drives...and he only talks about HIMSELF!!!!
I started to talk about our 2 brothers now gone by way of suicide -- he hung up on me......I don't what happened, it was like watching yourself outside of your self, ya know?
I went thru every kitchen knife & tried to cut..ALL were dull & I found myself very angry
I haven't caused SI for almost 8-10 years; I was insane, I felt posessed, I went through the apartment looking for a decent blade ( I knew I used to collect them) I found one, you all know the rest. I didn't want scratches, I wanted squirting, gushing blood.......which wound in the ER ONLY b/c I had lost too much blood to walk across the street to the ER. Now it's like it never ended. I continue to find sharper knifes. W/ my untarnished record of a "recovered" psych nurse is ruined. It's like why go on anyhow........
It was the ER that abhored me the worst...the stigma, the attitudes; the cold, unfeeling nurses & doctors & I KNOW the code of ethics....I want to sue the ******!!! I'm trying to put together a paper of statements from other SIers who got treated like %#@&#! & the coldness like I did!! It will be anonymous, use a damn nickname & age & your stories. I'm serious....in the past week I have seen others in the ER from mild OD's, cutting....all I wanted that particular night was some damn antibiotics for the infection I was developing from the cutting; I'm trained...I can take care of most first aid........but I've seen those same looks way back when I used to be in the ER 2x a week, my husband used first-named basis & help them hold me down....I want to hear from others....they say it's just my paranoia........IS IT!!!
Please PM me or use my e-mail; it's in my profile; please help me to help all of us! I took an OD that would have killed 3X over, but I woke up in my bed the next morning at 1100 & sick as a dog.............help?
DAYZEE9 (aka Laura dayzee@charter.net)