So, I know i'm just barely in my normal weight range, if not already underweight. But i'm ten pounds heavier (hopefully not any more) than I like to be and i'm FREAKING OUT about losing it. I think what's creeping me out is that suddenly none of my pants are buttoning. I looked online and found that i'd have to cut 500 calories a day for almost 3 months to lose that weight. Seems like a lot to do healthily. In a way, i'm glad to be thinking about trying to gain some control, although I know it's just ED talking. I like the structure, the numbers, watching the progress. I know I shouldn't be but I'm really tempted to start taking a day or two off from food. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I totally avoid even glancing in a mirror if i'm naked, and it's really hard for me to look down while showering. It just upsets me. Today I haven't eaten much but I am eating. I had some toast and some vegetable broth and later i'll have soup for dinner....already feeling hungry but I know that'll pass. I just wish I hadn't lost so much control over the summer and undid all my hard work. I have been ten pounds lighter and healthy before. I want to be there again. Why does it get so much harder? I want to go back to when I just ate whatever I wanted to and always looked thin. Just a rant.