As some of you know me (we) have been doing a thread on The Value of the Valley. At first, we were adding how each chapter we could find ways how it affected our lives. However, when under pressure we stopped because we started to feel like we said too much, that we were being to open on our life events. We were no longer putting our stuff on the table so all could see it. The main reason was that we were going through recall. (OUR HANDS ARE CLOSED TOGETHER IN PRAY, WE PRAYING THAT WE HAVE FINELY GOT ALL THE SEPERATED PARTS JOINING TOGETHER, AMEN) This is very hard on anyone that is going through this. It is still our biggest fear that when we do this that one part will come out and attack first then go under again with out telling us. Therefore, if one of my parts hurt anyone here we do apologize for doing it. Please forgive us for not remember the events around the event. One of the things is that we have not been in chat because the conversation is moving to fast or just too many talking about different topics at the same time. We have also found people that are now willing to let us come to them one on one. This has been very healing for us to be accepted and not afraid for each one of my parts to share a personal feeling and not be judge that we do have different viewpoints. To those we can never say THANK YOU enough from all of us.
During this last couple of days we have been healing and talking to others, we have been hearing truths coming not only form ourselves but others as well. The last chapter was called the valley of other people problems. In this chapter, we reviewed that when we make choices we always have to give to receive what we want in life. Therefore, the finely choice is what you want more out of life. What are you willing to sacrifice to get what you want? For the past 10 years, we have endured abuse from others to keep our son safe from the boogieman of our past. Guess what our son is 15 + years old, we no longer have to sacrifice our selves to keep him safe. When asked to show the marks of being forced to be with someone. I was able to look at that person in the eyes and tell that person the truth. We choice the path of less abuse so that we known we could remember our son. We may have been able to block out the memoirs of these that choice to hurt us to score point within their social group. However, we had to live down what they told others whether it be true or not. We as a whole sacrificed our self-respect to keep our son safe. Now that he is of age, we no longer have the need or desire to endure that which we did for our son. In truth, we can now drop our robe and the only thing that we would truly regret is not holding a child of love in our arms and the special person in our lives enjoying that moment. We as a whole will never regret that which we endured to keep our son safe even when we are in conflict he has always been my pride and joy. It is through him that my other children will survive that which I was not able to protect them from. In life, we make many choices that not only affect ourselves but those around us. I hope some day our (MY) son can forgive us for what people say about us. Even if he does not every fully understand why we did what we did. We have always done what we could to let him have the ability to choice how he would live have own life. Even if it did not feel that way we had to live the way others choice for us to live because we could not face the fact that we lost our children and our strength from the severe abuse that we had endured before we got here. Everyone that comes to this page has memoirs of the past that we do not want to face but each one of us makes that choice daily and it is not an easy choice to make. In truth, it is always the less painful path that is taken by most human beings. I know we would not have faced our past had not the events in my life had not became what they were. Circumstances would not let us take an easy out nor would they let me run from what was happening to us. To us for the past three years we have been in a bird’s cage. Everyone around us could do what ever he or she wanted to us but we were not able to defend ourselves. Our slogan now is “After Three years of having who and what I am shoved down my throat, do you honestly think I don’t know who I am?” In truth we do know who we are, we may still not know all of the details of events that we in truth do not want or need to know. However, we are at peace that we did the best we could do with what we had to work with. In the after mash of yesterday we have no control, we can only go forward. As to those that would prefer me to bow my head in shame, not going to happen. I guess they are just going to deal with their own problems of not liking me as a whole choose life with hope and not accepting the fact that I(WE) have to stay in a town that was taught to hate us cause we are different. The only way we are going to stay is if we can be accepted for our self’s by a small part of the community and have a man accept that we did the best we could do and be able to walk beside me with respect not self pity. We all have made certain choices that we wish we could change but in truth, we can only change our future. I hope that I can do so here with the few that do accept me(us) but if not then let the Great Spirit provide me with a way to find a new beginning some place else.
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Sometimes the only way to find freedom is to fight for it, even unto death! Because no form of abuse transcends pass it! To live free and with hope is still the greatest gift of life!- anderson
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