you sound a lot like me bitter to the core.. and for that I am sorry shaymus..

It takes a great deal of healing and wanting to heal to get better..
todday is one of my 'bad' days and i feel for you i can see all the "blackness" others feel and I can feel it creeping in around me and wanting to consume me yet again.. I have to try to see my light at the end of my tunnel.. I just to not want to..

I compelty understand how you feel.. Trust me on this ok..

I am so sorry your mountian seem so high but if look up, I am up on top waiting for you.. This ole dragon and I am most likely not alone, there are others uphere with me., waiting on you to climb above this beast we all call depersssion .. So come up and join me and let us fight this together ok.