Geez, Shaymus.

Don't mean to hijack here, but your words
brought a song to mind, and I totally get
what you are saying.

Sorry you feel so low.

This one line; On my death bed will i be
grateful i spent the last years of my life
fixing myself even though then i wont get the
payoff?

This is how my hubby thinks.

It makes me sad you feel the same.

Please take care,

Petunia

Cat Stevens - Miles from Nowhere Lyrics

Miles from nowhere
I guess I'll take my time
Oh yeah, to reach there

Look up at the mountain
I have to climb
Oh yeah, to reach there.

Lord my body has been a good friend
But I won't need it when I reach the end