Urg. I'm so nervous about tomorrow and going back to school... I seriously ate way too much, like I'm physically ill from eating so much. It's times like this if I wonder if my brain has a "shut-off" switch to create that full sensation. Maybe I just ignore it unconsciously? Who knows.
Quote:
|
You are going to school, right? How are you doing otherwise with these fears?
|
Haha, it's pretty much just something I ignored. Should've figured I'd do something like this, huh...?
I'm pretty pathetic. I had three weeks off school and didn't even do anything fun. Heck, I didn't even do anything productive! Pretty much just wasted my life and didn't accomplish anything I'd wanted to...
Quote:
|
As I see it, the question is: what happens with those emotions? Can one learn to live with them? Can one learn to dissipate them in healthy ways--such as with a therapist, online, in a journal, through various previously thought out ways to self-soothe (listening to music, exercise, etc.: I could write more about this if that would help you)? Or must those emotions find expression in harmful ways, such as crime, depression, substance abuse, disordered eating, self-injury, suicidal ideation?
|
I don't know--I mean, I don't know how to go about doing positive things for myself. I suppose it just means I'm selfish.
I've tried therapy before, I tried journalism, playing an instrument, volunteering... I don't know, my journal failed because I felt stupid, like my writing was too stupid to even waste paper on it... so that stopped. And I stopped playing music because--well, I guess because I didn't feel like I was progressing or had any chance of making anything out of it... I think I do a lot of things like that--put a lot of effort into things and starting new projects, but abruptly stopping/forgetting to finish things.
I'd like to put my energy and focus into something positive... but maybe it all just goes back to my "inherently evil" hypothesis, which ultimately leads to self-sabotage? Because if I can't do something right, I might as well not do it at all...
But, then again, maybe it's just the binge talking.
