Vett, you need to accept that you made a huge mistake, and you also need to learn to forgive yourself.

There's no way I can say that I know how you feel, but I can hear the pain you are in. The only way out is "through."

Have you thought that maybe the letter from your ex-girlfriend might be a form of retaliation in itself? It occurs to me that she knows some of the pain you are feeling and she wants you to hurt even more. People in pain often do that to those they perceive as having hurt them. I don't know that there is anything you can do to amend what you did, but you need to put it behind you. Granted, that won't happen until you work "through" it and get to the other side.

Let me look for a book on shame and guilt and look through it to see if I can find the first step towards healing.

Hang in there!

<font color=blue>Don't die with your music still inside you.</font color=blue>