I got better... sort of... for a while there. I still had all of the self-hatred issues but I was starting to eat normal again. Now im not.... and it makes me HAPPY. I'm so confused as to why it makes me happy to starve myself until i look disgusting.... at least to everyone else. To me i looked beautiful.... well my body anyway. Now that I've had a child and I'm back to a normal weight.... it's all coming back. it's on my mind every day.

the other night my boyfriend used it against me in one of our fights. he called me disgusting and how i puke all the time. I tried to tell him i don't do that anymore (i really don't!) and he said he "wasn't stupid".

I hate that he did that to me. I have a boyfriend who is verbally abusive and my biggest mistake was confiding in him about my eating disorder history. He uses it against me in a fight because he knows it hurts me the most. Once he called me a 300lb fat disgusting cow. (i was 155lbs) ....i wanted end it there.

i don't know how to deal with his hateful words on top of me already having those thoughts about myself in my head. It makes me think.... if he's saying what i believe to be true in my head.... it MUST be true. ....he always regrets saying hurtful things but I'll never forget it. any of it. ever.