"...and now this just seems to confirm its just "all in my head" as so many people like to point out to me."

Hey sad,
Please don't think I was telling you that it is all in your head. I was just trying to encourage you to, if at all possible, work through the paralyzing fear and take it one step at a time to get where you want to go. It sounds like you have done all you can do to keep working. We are really the only ones who know what this life is like and what our limits are. Sometimes we can surprise ourselves but our illness can cause limitations whether they are an everyday occurrence or we are doing well enough right now that they are just off and on. You know who and how you are. Do everything you can not to let those who don't understand us make you feel like a faker or a loser or useless or anything other than a person with a mental illness who has to fight harder than most to live through what each day brings.
Good luck to you.