Hey cmb,
I don't know how you are functioning at all without the right treatment. I promise, life can be better for you. There has got to be somewhere you can get treatment even though you have no insurance. I know you are afraid of the meds but I was more afraid of losing this fight without them. There is so much info out there on different meds now that you can know the pros and cons before you take them. And if you are lucky you will have a dr like I do that works with you on what you take and how it effects you. Just hold on to who you really are and that this is an illness that is not your fault. Good luck taking charge of you and your health and you future.