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Try going to the OCD forum, and yopu will find a lot of others have the same thoughts, also called obsessions. Then, us people with OCD, do compulsions such as counting, checking to try and control the anxiety. If you have OCD, it can be treated. If not, you still need to consult a psychiatrist and therapist. You're obviously hurting and need help.
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Lauru-------------That's me, Bipolar and Watching TV 
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
---Robert Frost
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