I saw my t this afternoon. I've really numbed myself out. Not my best coping mechanism, but that's all I've got right now. It makes for a pretty unproductive therapy session.

I know we talked about my sister's illness. Right now, like I said, I'm so numb about it that I just can't express myself well. We talked about my son and the impending situation with him. Again, I just can't even think about it right now. He didn't push me too hard today. He knows where I'm at. He's seen this before.

I'm very depressed. Just about as low as I get without being suicidal. If I wasn't so numb, I probably would be. It's my self-protection right now.

Wednesday we have another family session. I don't want to go. I want to hide from it. I don't want to be there. I'm afraid I'll feel.

So, numb and depressed it is.