Is money the issue? I have a hard time with the attitude of your husband. Ideally, he could have agreed to adopt your daughter. Now, he seems more concerned about preserving the marital property for his child.

Quite often, married couples prepare wills that give the marital property to the survivor, trusting that the survivor will do the right thing with respect to the children. If you and your husband had those will provisions and you died first, your husband could will the property to his child alone.

I know this is more than you are asking about. Nonetheless, I am concerned there is more going on here than telling your daughter at an appropriate time who her father is.