Hey Lady, when you said "i can see all the "blackness" others feel and I can feel it creeping in around me and wanting to consume me" that spoke to me. I get this feeling quite a bit too. Its like my thoughts say "I can sure relate to that!" and then the thoughts from those times jump out of their cages.

Hi Petunia, dont worry about hijacking. A new day is here and im feeling better. Sometimes just writing these thoughts down makes me feel better. Or at least able to sleep A lot of those thoughts are ones im more ashamed of as they seem so selfish to me so i dont express them. I mean what does it matter if there is a payoff to me if there is a payoff to all those around me? Im sorry your hubby can relate to them, they arnt any fun. Btw that is a cool song. Ive never heard it before so i went and downloaded it. I love it.

Hello fayerody. Yes that is the definate correct way to look at it. Its hard to focus on one step when the steps go 8,000 miles up but if you dont focus on the first step you wont ever make it to the last step. Kind of ironic though when your goal is the top step but most of the steps in between arnt ones you particularly care for. Its like on one hand you have to look at the big picture and see the goal is true yet if you just totally concentrate on the end step then its too overwhelming to even try.