What did you make of your entry? To me, I'm just confused. I get angry and my low self esteem seems to seep out alot. I know that they came from adult sights cause when I looked at the history after cleaning the computer, they were all from youporn, redtube, and youtube adult sites. See, what really upset me at the time was that he was not showing me any affection at all. It seemed like for two days all he did when I talked to him was gripe about one thing or another. Stupid things that he normally didn't gripe about. And then when I found that, it was was a stab in the gut. When things calmed a bit, and in front of my therapist, I told him how it made me feel. How he was making me feel. Things are a bit better now, but only because I backed down from the porn issue. Kinda just rolled over and took it. But I'm used to that. I've done that about everything in my life. Just to keep him. I'm afraid to lose him, but he makes me so mad. and I feel as if I can't voice my feelings of anger or I'll lose him. That is my biggest fear in life. Losing my husband. I love him with all my heart and I've lost so much already, I don't feel as if I could handle losing any more. He is the only family I have besides our four kids. Sorry for rambling. CG