Blue, you are so young. I know that you've experienced a tremendous amount of pain in your short life, but you have much to look forward to. Idk if you're still in foster care, but when you're out, you don't have to be with your abusers, anymore. You can make your own life now- it will be hard, but you will reap the benefits in the future. You mentioned that you were in therapy for 6 months- that's nothing. It's going to take many years for you to get over this & it's going to be painful. I know that isn't fair, but you owe it to yourself to make the struggle. You say you want to die; you don't want to die & that's why you're reaching out. You can & will get through this. We are here to support you. There are some bad people in this world, but there are a lot of good people who will care about you, too.

You wrote about nightmares- they mean your soul has unfinished business. They will go away in time. Years ago, I had them every night. I'd always dream that I'd open my mouth to scream but I had no voice, or that I'd try to hit someone but couldn't. I'd wake myself by screaming or punching the wall by my bed. The nightmares will go away. Try to direct your energy into doing something that will make you feel like you have some kind of power over yourself. Try art- I can't even draw a straight line, but I've done some pretty powerful collages, & they've really helped me. No one sees them but me. Try going to a recreation center & get your energy out by exercising or punching.
Everyone has a life & a story. How is yours going to turn out?