I had a pretty frightening dream the other night...

I went to my appointment with T, and she had a cousin or someone over. So I just sat down and didn't say a word the whole time. In the last 15 minutes, her next client came through the door and apologized for being early, then asked if she could go ahead and take him since he was there. She said sure, and I said "Um...." Then she looked at me and said "unless there's something you needed to say." The just shook my head and got up to leave. She reminded me that we needed to schedule our next appointment, so she said she would see me the same time next week. Then she added that next week would be our last appointment. Of course, I freaked out and questioned it. She just said "this is just how it is...this is my policy." Then I left.

I woke up feeling utterly defeated. She was so cold and detatched in my dream. We didn't make that decision together, or even discuss it in the least. I knew I wasn't nearly done in therapy, and I thought it was unfair that she was just dumping me. This is still unsettling to me.

I want to bring it up, but I don't want to discuss it. I don't want to acknowledge that I had a dream about her, and I don't want to discuss the possibility of us ever ending one day. Sure, I know it will happen one day, but I'm so not ready for that, and I'm not even ready to discuss the possibility of ending.

I see her tomorrow, so I don't know...

Also, I had some intense suicidal thoughts accompanied by an attempt this past week, and I know I need to tell her, but I don't know how I can. When I had mentioned a past attempt before, she seemed disappointed...pissed, even. I don't want to venture back into those reactions from her.

Any thoughts on any of this?