Isadora I'm coming at you from a very personal level...

For what it's worth, I'm 19. I know you're young too, because I'll tell you...grown women do not put up with this. They've been through it and know better.

I am absolutely in love with my boyfriend. He's an amazing catch, a southern gentleman, an entrepreneur, on the surface, any girl would kill for him, and I would be lucky to have him.

The problem is, he convinced me of that.
That I was lucky to have him.
That I wasn't good enough for him.
That I was always messing up...when I wasn't.
That everything I did was wrong.
That I wanted to sleep with other men...even though I didn't and loved him so much!
That I contributed so much less than him to the relationship.
I could go on and on.

I got to a point where I turned off my brain. You're here, so you know something is wrong. Goodness girl, I wish we followed our guts.

It got to a point where I felt so worthless, unwanted, and depressed, I wouldn't get out of bed...which made him have even more reason to bring me down. I ended up on medication and now have a lot of extra problems and healing to do from this relationship.

I understand it's so hard when you love them.
But you know
Repeat
You know
that something is wrong. Or you wouldn't be here. Notice my "Relationship Issue" on my profile.

I move to Texas in 4 days because if I didn't... I probably wouldn't get away from him, and fall deeper into depression.

I don't know what your situation is...but I can only tell you about mine.
I get the hot/cold a lot. It goes from "You don't deserve me" to "You're so beautiful and I'm so happy to have you in my life." It's what keeps me hooked. That intense deep love. But it's just not healthy.

There is nothing like the pain of doing everything you absolutely can to please somebody you love so very much and it being completely impossible. It makes you feel like you will NEVER be good enough.

Here's the secret. It's not you, it's him.

I would guess...out of the blue...he was cheated on in the past, or had some other experience in his life that caused him to be so fearful, possessive, and degrading (Accusing you of being a bad girlfriend when you are not is DEGRADING). What they do is degrade us so much, we feel like we don't even deserve them! And we never escape.

Even worse, is I KNOW he [mine] has these issues. I know the way he acts towards me is because of anger, pain and resentment he holds inside that he hasn't healed from and dealt with. It makes it all the more hard to leave him knowing he's not being intentionally hurtful...he is just a deeply hurt man.
Nevertheless, he is extraordinarily unhealthy for me, and quite literally, might kill me.


I don't expect you to leave him, I really don't. I have to move states to physically get away from mine.
But do me one favor while you're going through this...or..several, if you will.
Do not let him convince you you are a bad girlfriend. You are obviously doing everything you can and if he wants to believe you are a bad girlfriend...tell him good luck finding a good one. I have a feeling no one will be up to his standards. You are wonderful and he is lucky to have you!
Do not let him bring you down, do not let him make you feel like you're not good enough. Being in these impossible situations can make you feel so trapped, the things we will do to cope are amazing. We might, for a second, believe that we are not good enough. The truth is, you are.
TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS, or at least us. Going through my situation I totally cut off from my support network and friends because I knew they would just tell me to leave him...and I knew I wasn't going to. So there I was, isolated, alone, depressed, feeling worthless and insecure. Don't do this to yourself, please.
Work yourself up to leaving him, seriously. You're going to have to build your self worth and ego a bit, and be a little more realistic about the kind of man he is. What kind of man treats a woman likes this? Scolds her for using her eyes? He is obviously not the man you view him as. Over time, the more you get used to the idea, it will be easier.

Lastly, you are breaking my heart, so please keep us posted. I hope you're ok.