I guess we all have been in a similar state of mind. When you mentioned you want to cancel your T Appt. I called a few years ago to do the same. I told her how I felt. She said I must be avoiding something I do not want to deal with. I ended up going and realized that she and I did not work well together. I was dreading going to see her. This might not be true in your case, but I have noticed that most people who present themselves as you have can't wait until they see T.