Wow! I think the fact that they (girl's mother and new husband) paid back all of the child support that your ex paid is very telling. It says to me that she wanted to wipe this man totally out of her life so the odds of her ever telling this woman that she had a biological father out there is not good.

I know your feelings on secrets, but some things are better left unsaid. I have never shared with my children that I've been molested or raped. It's not that I feel any shame for these things, I just don't see any reason to share that particular pain with my kids.