Quote:
Originally Posted by salukigirl
I had those kinds of thoughts and my T called it hypervigilance. I would check my car convinced someone was hiding in the backseat waiting. I couldn't go to the dumpster at night because I just knew someone was inside and going to attack me. Which are absolutely ridiculous ideas....but I was certain of them. I used to be in an abusive relationship and watched my parents fight constantly. And with therapy and talking through all of those complicated emotions and him making me realizing how those things would never actually happen....I eventually quit having them. It took several months of therapy but I feel so much better now.
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I hear what you're saying, salukigirl. It's referred to as "hypervigilence" in those of us with PTSD because it goes with our diagnosis. I was always looking for hidden danger. Because my parents were alcoholic, before I knew anything about the syndrom, I used to call it "lying in wait" because we kids would be tiptoeing about the house when it got close to the time that dad would come home from work or if we knew the bars were closing because we were afraid of what condition they would be in when they came through the door.
I also used to think that people could see me if I was outside in the garage after dark, tinkering with things, or if I was in the bathroom doing bathroom stuff, they could see through the curtains, or any number of things that I would be on my guard about. I, too, would check in the back floorboards of the car before I would get in to go somewhere. God, it was emotionally draining. It's a different thing expecting imminent danger (like a couger attack) than simply expecting something to cause distress (a parent having a tantrum over something ridiculous). One is more unlikely. The other is highly possible.
I can't ever remember being relaxed as a child. It took me a long time as an adult to learn to feel safe. I had to get away from the danger. It took a long time to unlearn that practice.