It's been pointed out to me that most of the cruel things I expect people to say, are coming from my own head, and that my fears of being judged by others are unfounded. For reference, see my post in Self-Esteem.

I think I'd have an easier time believing no one would actually *say* those things to me, if people hadn't actually said those things to me previously. Like that guy saying I should sit down, because I'm too fat to walk, when in fact I had just walked 9 miles. That didn't come from my own head. That was a complete stranger judging me on my weight.

It didn't happen to me, but another woman parked in her handicapped space, with her properly issued tag, because of her artificial knee, and then came back out to find a note attached to her windshield: "Other than obesity, what is your handicap?" If it happens to others, it can happen to me too, and similar things have happened.

As far as eating around others, yes there have been judgmental remarks said out loud by other people. But not usually strangers. Family members. I've had them actually take food away from me, saying I don't need it, etc.

Then there was that doctor. I had gone in to urgent care in the morning, and had fasted in case they had to do lab work. Well, by early afternoon I was hungry, and my husband and I asked the nurse if he could go buy me a snack. She said it was OK, but minutes later the doctor came in and said, "It won't hurt you to go hungry. In fact, you could use a little more going hungry."

I'll grant that the most cruel remarks do come from inside my own head, but there have been those that didn't. And that only brings more fear of judgmental people.

As for my husband, I don't know if he feels my pain or not. I asked him for some you-know-what this morning. He works second shift, and has more time in the morning. In response, he complained that he had just sat down, and he wanted to finish the computer game he was playing first. He has no drive for me whatsoever. He says it's ED because he's diabetic (we both are) but truthfully, I wouldn't be attracted to me either. And I don't want it unless he wants it too. I don't want it to be some chore he has to work into his schedule.