I was doing better, and then last night when I was taking the dog out, I was standing on the patio and well it was late, but I left the door to the house open, and started to feel scared. He was taking so long to go potty, and I was gripping the door handle with one hand, and the leash with the other. I started thinking that someone could come around the corner, and well at least I had my dog, he loves me and would do anything to keep me safe. Then I though, well what if they had a gun, and they shot my dog.. would I run our and try to save my dog? Or would I try to run in and lock the door, because if I ran out to the dog the door would be left open, and they could walk in and get my children. Then I thought well, while I was trying to lock the door they could shoot me through the glass... by the time the dog went potty, I was gripping the handle so tight that my hand was turning white. I am sure my dog was sensing my anxiety, because he kept looking around, and it was causing him to take so long. I woke up this morning, and just felt sad, and trying to keep my thoughts busy so that they don't wander and freak me out.
I finally called a therapist today. She called me back, and I am going to see her next tuesday, luckily she is only 9 min away.. I hope she helps. I chose a woman this time, because I think I just don't like men. I can't really think of any man that I would say that I really like, and I always think they are going to do something harmful to someone. So here is hoping tuesday goes well