That definitely makes sense as well. Even the thought that she was thinking it wasn't legit hurts. I mean, jeeze...I battled over the thought of whether to tell her or not, and I was worried about how she would react. I could barely even say the words today when I tried to tell her. She had to keep pushing me for me to even get the words out.

I understand the logic behind that, but it's frustrating. She knows this was my third attempt, and I would hope she knows that I don't make up **** to get attention from her, or from anybody. If I was trying to get attention, I'm sure more people than just her would have known about it.

The bottom line is: I wanted to die, I tried to make it happen, I screwed up, and I lived. What's more genuine than that? Maybe it's because I didn't try another method after I messed up the first time. She asked me about that. She asked me why I didn't try something else. (did she want me to succeed in killing myself?) I told her after I failed once, I didn't think I could handle failing again, so I didn't take the risk of making myself feel even more like **** plus, I had no other means where I was. I didn't have access to any other methods than the one I had already tried. So it makes me wonder: does she assume that it's not legit because I didn't succeed, or didn't end up in the hospital? Is she discounting it because I didn't get up and try again to kill myself? What's the deal?

Sorry if I sounded a bit b****y with that post. That was not directed at you, it's just frustrating for me.