(((((((((((( Tomi )))))))))))

It's my firm belief that your dragon is about the child that suffered injustices from your step-mother. Why else would you react to what I disagree with you on and hear her yelling at you?

You have the right idea, but it just isn't well tuned... My experiences with the wicked step-mother were'nt even the beginning. The best I can figure is that mom and dad's divorce were the first crack in the eggshell, followed by shifting from family to family, both mom's or dad's, and with new step-mothers and brothers and sisters. By 10 years old I'd been in 8 different "families."

I still kept my sense of self somehow because thru it all, I felt loved and wanted by both my mom and dad. At 15 I asked my dad could I go live with my mom, this after 5 years of living with him and wicked woman. Dad agreed to a two week visit, but once I'd escaped the wicked step mom, I felt so free... I'd missed my mom a lot and asked could I live with her, my real-blood sister, and my half-brother (she'd seperated from her second husband by then). Of course she said yes, that's what mom's do, but, dad reacted by telling me I was never allowed back in his house.

I must have cried for a week. Mom tried hard to comfort me, but I don't think I processed it very well, more or less just tried to put it behind me. My sister ran with some delinquents and soon I was part of the group. I dropped out of school, got into trouble for shoplifting, started smoking, drinkning, you name it. My mom kicked me out of the house. I stayed with an older couple and the male sexually abused me. I've never told anyone this.

In court over the shoplifting charge, my attorney made a deal that if I moved back to my dad, I wouldn't have to recieve any sentence. So that's what happened. I never felt wanted back, I had to deal with wicked witch again, my self-esteem collapsed, I drank a lot, continued to spin out of control. I was in a livein tratment center for alcoholics and then a half-way house with grown men at the age of 16. I saw and heard more stories about dereliction and decadence than my young mind could handle. To say I was [censored] up is no exaggeration.

Deep, deep within, I wondered where it'd all gone wrong. I remembered how I'd used to smile, laugh, have fun, felt loved, had friends, life was good. I was not in any therapy. They tried to treat me for alcoholism, but, drinking was only a symptom of the bigger problems.

I treated myself. I read as many books as I could that I thought would give me a sense of self again. There was a section at the used book store I browsed looking for anything that might help. Books about psychology, metaphysics, spirituality, philosophy, religion, looking for that golden nugget of information that would give me back my mind.

Slowly, slowly, the pieces started fitting back together. I became critical of my own thinking and did my best to re-train the self-talk, be optimistic, be friend, a good neighbor, I meditated, I prayed, I sought out nature, and I began to be critical of our society, wondering how much and in what way it had contributed to who I had become.

I began to deplore what I considered "unhealthy" behaviours. People who "lived for the moment" were on my list of spreading mental illness countrywide. Wealthy peole became my scapegoat, then the governemnt, followed by advertising, the music industry, Hollywood, news media, corporations, and even the poor over-worked common man who drank to forget it all. Even humor came under attack as a way of having fun at others expense and avoiding reality.... everywhere I looked I saw mental illness....

Still, I blamed myself. I thought I just needed to learn how to process all this stuff as it seemed so many were capable of. But then, after years and years, I began to realize many people didn't process it. They avoided it, denied it, buried it, ignored it with drugs, money, alcohol, materialism, ignorance, relieving their stress in spouse abuse, gambling, sex, and entertainment. Even religion "God will save us". WHAT IF you're wrong? Maybe he's as thoroughly disgusted as I have been.

So what does a person in this state of mind do? Couldn't very well leave the planet, wasn't even that successful with leaving the city. There was no where to run. Laugh if you want, I even tried contacting the aliens telepathically. Was I crazy yet?

I did work on healing myself Tomi. I have accomplished a lot, and pardon me, but I'm a little offended by the self-agrandizing manner you've repeated that I need to work on myself before I work on society. You're no Dr. You don't know me. You're my friend, and I appreciate the concern, but you're off track.

To quote a line you advised another... "The only way out is through." That's what I'm doing.

This thread has been about society from the beginning, you just haven't realized it.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius